There are points throughout life when change is evident and inescapable. Sometimes it comes when we are prepared and ready to face it, and sometimes it comes without warning.
I know that a lot is going to change in the next few years, I'm uncertain as to how much or all that will change, but enough that one day I will be walking in the morning to grab a cup of coffee and I'll wonder to myself, "how did I end up here?"
This happens every once and a while. I think it simply proves that no amount of planning can prepare us for what lies ahead because things change as we plan for what we think is certain.
As a child, in elementary school, change was hard for me. I felt unsafe when the local department store, where my mom often bought our clothes, changed its floorplan and was renovated. When I think about this now it's so insignificant, but at the time that store was a big part of the world I knew. I remember my mom consoling me, saying- something to the effect- that things will change and we have to learn to work with it, we can't fight it.
Change is exhilerating and scary at the time, but looking back it always seems insignificant in the larger scheme of things.
"The greatest mistake you can make in life is to be continually fearing you will make one."
This is the quote that my sister-in-law, Lisa, has on her blog. I find myself needing to hear or read it over and over. I am constantly in fear of making mistakes in the choices I have to make. I'm at the age where there are more choices to be made and greater consequences for what I do or don't do.
I think we all tend to do this...we doubt ourselves. We have a grasp of what we would do as an individual, but then we can hear the voices of our mother and father, and any others whoever contradicted our true "self." Now, this is not to say my parents didn't allow me to be me, but in the process of trying to helping me make the best decisions, the most rational, my "self" is lost. And, often, even after our parents have stopped telling us what we should do, we can still hear them saying it.
Sometimes the best decisions are not the most rational. We live in a society that tells us how to think and what we should be thinking, but I don't feel the same. And, therefore, I feel I fight a lone battle. A road less traveled.
Check out Lisa's blog, she's got some great things to say...http://www.citi-mouse.blogspot.com/
In my quest to not be judgemental, I have found that it is impossible. What can be a blessing, can also be a curse. Judging another can keep us from getting into trouble, associating with someone who might cause us harm. However, judging someone can also become a rude and unfair act. It's a balance just like everything. So, it's about keeping yourself in check, which is exactly what most things come down to. It takes discipline and a desire to be your best.
When I used to hear the word discipline, there was nothing but a bad connotation that accompanied it. But, now, I don't feel the same way. I now view the word as something we all need, from child to adult, and it is not threatening, but a challenge.
I used to be disciplined in my diet, exercise, and daily tasks. However, in the past few years I've been lazy...just because I can. My schedule has allowed me to be a bum, but I find that doesn't equal a good mood for Laura. So, discipline is the answer, I need it back. I've already tested myself, I guess it was a bit of a trial to test my will power, and it's still as strong as it was before...I just have to activate it.
