It appears that I am an optimistic person. I genuinely seek happiness in my life, and I typically find it. Though I don't ignore the realities in life that can be disheartening it seems to take a lot to bring me down. Others I know are not so.
I'm not sure what makes a person more likely to look for the silver lining versus looking into the blackened abyss. But, honestly, when it gets down to it, I think it's a matter of faith. Faith in God, faith in yourself, and faith in others.
I think one of the false realities people tend to have as they age is that at some point they know it all or know enough. I'm not sure I'll ever be able to say either. There is so much to this world and there's so much to learn in every aspect of life.
Continually, my eyes are opened to something new or different. The learning never ends. For example, I'm surprised that after all these years of having the ability to speak, I'm still learning how to commmunicate. And, even though I feel I have always known how to love someone, I'm still learning how to love others.
I could go on and on with examples. It's a bit exhausting at times, but learning is living, and I like it.
There is a lot of talk that exists. My own voice saying all the many things I would like to do, as if by simply saying it, it will come to fruition. And, then there is the naysayers. The naysayers are the ones that doubt your potential or the reality of what could happen, by saying all the horrible things that can and will happen if you aim high---outcomes that will most likely never come about.
Well, I moving on, past those talkers and it feels good. It feels right. Ahhh, freedom.
I am completely obsessed with consuming just about everything in this world, from coffee to shoes. I never thought of myself as a huge spender or someone who is focused on buying things. But, I am.
This realization has begun to sink in this past week, and as I started to read Serve God, Save the Planet. A great read, especially for those who like to look at being environmentally friendly in conjunction with their belief in God. The book is written well and is great at pointing out where we flaw in being poor supporters of the beauty that this planet offers.
Anyhow, hopefully, I'm on the road to living a more sustainable existence.
(Note that I say this only an hour after buying a backpack, the most expensive one I have ever purchased. But, this backpack will teach me how to hike, climb, enjoy God's beautiful planet, and be a true outdoors woman, right? It's funny how we buy things to make us feel a certain way. I'm not sure advertisers really need to work that hard, it doesn't take much to convince us.)
Despite my little deviation from the point, if I use and keep this pack around until there's nothing left of it, then I am in fact on the road to sustainable living.
There is a commercial building that was just built across from our apartment complex. It has been sitting there for a few months with no tenants. Now, perhaps someone is waiting in the wings to move in, or there are still a few touches to add on the inside, but I don't think so. Vehicles rarely grace the presence of the black asphalt poured out over what used to be a mixture of prairie grass and wild flowers.
Why do people continue to build here? It's too much already. I just saw a sign next to this vacant building that advertises more buildings to be built for commercial use. Why not fill the first building before building more?... well, I do know why, and it makes me mad when people can't see beyond their own financial gain.
I'm reminded about the sad state of building without ethical or global concern everytime I go to and from our apartment.
I used to fear the dark when I was younger because I was afraid of monsters. Now, well, I don't exactly fear the dark, but I know that my fears escalate as night falls. For some reason everything seems harder, more sad, impossible at night. But, in the morning my head is clear, there is hope, and I have a better look at reality.
So, do I think everything should be reasoned out before going to bed? No. That is the most ridiculous saying. If I were to fight with someone before bed, well good night, because it will go a lot smoother in the morning.
I went to Borders for the release of the seventh Harry Potter book. It was crazy, so many people and a third of them dressed up like the character they most resembled. I was having fun identifying the characters and then a realization hit me...what's the difference between this and Star Trek? I was basically at something that's comparable to a Star Trek convention. And, then when I saw the books come out and got excited. I knew then that I must be a nerd. And, of course, I don't use that term as condescendingly, but more as a demographic-type of category.
Well, it may come as a surprise then that I actually purchased my copy via Lisa at a local Meijers. The line was so long and Jeff and I were going to be traveling straight through to Burlington, VT the next day.
I just finished the book yesterday. It was great!
Right now I am searching for a new job in a new city that's about 15 hours away. And, so far I've only applied for two different positions because that's all that has appealed to me. However, even though I have only applied for two, I have been totally consumed by the job search. I have allowed it to consume me.
In the process of doing so, I have become more worrisome. When we surround ourselves by things that are nonsupporting elements, we fall. Since Jeff and I decided to move, I have made it my job to find a job and my hobbies have become looking for a job. No wonder I was totally stressed about it today. I stopped doing all the things I normally would have done throughout the day that give me balance and support.
Too much of a good or bad thing is too much.
I'm a journalist. I interview and then I write, I interview and then I write. And, so far I've been doing that primarily for colleges and universities. Well, in doing so I have found some certainties.
First off, be prepared to be viewed as ignorant. No matter who I interview there is typically a point at which the professor or other professional will look at me with the look of "you don't know that?" Today I asked someone if they had any further thoughts that they wanted to share...me knowing that his or her field is not my expertise and me wanting to make sure I didn't leave anything out that he or she might wanted to add. I was told today that it wasn't necessary to summarize what was said...that I was given enough material to do that on my own.
I'm sorry, did I ask for you to summarize everything you just talked about? No, I didn't. I asked, "is there anything you would like to add." Thanks for thinking so highly of me.
It also irritates me when I ask a question that, yes, I know the answer to, but ask anyways in hopes of gaining a good quote. Or, when I am asking for clarity on a fact. Most people see a picture only one way, I don't, so I ask for clarity...you can't assume in my profession.
I actually had someone tell me today that she teaches college students at the university, not 5 and 8 year olds. Wow, really, thanks for sharing. (Now obviously, those who read this don't know the context of the situation, but believe me there's not too much to say..she can only see the world one way, any questions that extend beyond are beyond her comprehension. And, yes, I'm being a bit harsh, but I'm just tired of it...I get lame responses like this enough that it makes me wonder, "how can they not see where I'm headed in all this?")
I would agree that not all journalist deserve respect, but I do. I always respect those that I interview and wish that they could give it right back.
There are points throughout life when change is evident and inescapable. Sometimes it comes when we are prepared and ready to face it, and sometimes it comes without warning.
I know that a lot is going to change in the next few years, I'm uncertain as to how much or all that will change, but enough that one day I will be walking in the morning to grab a cup of coffee and I'll wonder to myself, "how did I end up here?"
This happens every once and a while. I think it simply proves that no amount of planning can prepare us for what lies ahead because things change as we plan for what we think is certain.
As a child, in elementary school, change was hard for me. I felt unsafe when the local department store, where my mom often bought our clothes, changed its floorplan and was renovated. When I think about this now it's so insignificant, but at the time that store was a big part of the world I knew. I remember my mom consoling me, saying- something to the effect- that things will change and we have to learn to work with it, we can't fight it.
Change is exhilerating and scary at the time, but looking back it always seems insignificant in the larger scheme of things.
